Journey of a waitress: pt. 1

Disclaimer: Before I start this post, I assure you that I am such a pleasant server. I may come off as hostile in this setting where I'm allowed to vent freely. :)

Now there are some things that are common dining etiquette, whether they're things your mom taught you (like to not talk with your mouth full) or things you just learned them from experience (like which conversations are probably not appropriate for dinner talk). However, there are some other things that are clearly not as commonly known. So I have taken it as my responsibility to enlighten as many people as I can about
"The Things That'll Probably Piss Your Server Off":

1. Bad tips- I think this goes without saying, seeing as how this is what our income is made up of. Tipping etiquette is 15-20% of the total bill. Please note: I am in no way encouraging you to dish out all of your hard earned dollars to a server who delivered poor service. I am, however, making a plea on behalf of all the servers out there working through school and life. Please do reward extraordinary service. A few extra dollars will mean way more to your server than you may think. (I am especially peaved when they compliment me and get my hopes up and then leave $2, but I digress. I could do an entire post on tipping, and I probably will. So I'll save that for later.)

2. When they call you while at another table (or when passing by with a tray of food); or when they shout your name across the restaurant like they're your mother (Note: snapping your fingers is something only done on tv and is very rude in real life)- Although you may need to get your server's attention, timing is important. I just wish one day I could say, "Sure sir. Would you like me to pull the ketchup out of my behind with the extra arm that is not holding this tray of plates or the tray stand?"

3. When you approach a table and they ignore you. "You see me standing here!"; Or if they barely answer you. These are grown adults. "Open your mouth and say what you want!" Because if I don't get you what you want then you'll have an attitude, but it will be YOUR fault because you didn't properly communicate it.

4. This may only bother me, but one of my pet peaves is when people order for other people. Usually you see this with the couples with a weird dynamic. One is afraid to look at you and the other is slightly rude to you and a bit controlling over the significant other. Same commentary from above applies (Open your own mouth!)

5. Asking for something new every single time I pass by; or when I come back with something for someone else is probably one of the most irritating things you can do. "Why didn't you think ahead two seconds and ask for that when I was over here two seconds ago!"

6. Ordering something and then altering it to an unrecognizable state is not only annoying to the server and the kitchen but it seems silly. Now I understand certain alterations for allergies and even some personal preferences, but some of the requests are a bit ridiculous.
True stories:
A lady ordered a bacon cheeseburger and asked for no bacon and no cheese (How come she didn't just order a burger?)
A man asked me to take the pilaf out of the rice...:-/ :-X
-Also, if you have certain allergies or food restrictions, it is your job to specify that or at least ask relevant questions in the beginning. "Sorry sir, I left my mind reading cap at home today. If I had known that you are allergic to mushrooms I would not have recommended the chicken marsala." If your food restrictions are too strict, you should probably stay home and cook whatever it is you can actually eat (or find a restaurant that caters to it). Don't be mad at me because we cannot accoodate your vegan needs.

7. It is not necessary to send things back with disdain and dramatics.
True story: "This is cold!" (Mind you they let it sit there for 5-10 minutes before complaining.) My response should have been "Yes ma'am, food happens to lose heat over time."
P.S. It is highly unlikely that you will receive a refund for a meal that you did not enjoy, IF YOU HAVE CLEANED YOUR PLATE. So don't even try it. (I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.)

8. No it is not your job, but could you please move your drink out the way so that I can put your plate down in front of you? Is it beneath you to help me move the plate from in front of you? (Or would you rather watch me almost fall over trying to reach it from the other end of the table?)

9. Splitting the bill more than 4 ways. 2 or 3 separate checks can be annoying but tolerable. After that is just ridiculous. Come on! We all know how it goes. If you know you're going to dinner, please try to hit up the ATM beforehand.

10. This might take the cake for the present moment. I absolutely hate when parents allow their kids to throw food and make excessive mess. What baffles me even more and I think is even worse is when adults make excessive mess! How did half of your meal, including whole particles of food (i.e. chicken wings) get on the floor?



One day they're gonna push me to the edge and this is what they'll get:


I apologize to all the servers I may have pissed off during my teenage years when I didn't know better.

Next time...let's look on the bright side. It does exist! :-)

I want to hear from you all. What things do you hate to see when you go out to eat?